i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
birth control should be required to get into college
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
