My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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