remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
