I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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