yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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