The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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