Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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