My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
