Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
