Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dignity is for republicans.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
