I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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