The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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