literally had 100 drinks last night.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
