i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
apparently the secret to your success is patron
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my god I love twenty year old dicks
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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