I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
