she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
