Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
