I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
