How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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