i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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