Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
that is very illegal...i love you.
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