I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
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drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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