sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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