Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
