i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
