Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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