I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
