Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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