i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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