I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
