I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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