i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
