woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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