I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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