if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize