Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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