Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
