there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
