i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
