I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
