i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
