I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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