I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
