It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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