Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
