The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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