youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
