Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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