I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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