be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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