I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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