I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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