Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
