She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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