everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
