is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Come see our sink grown plant.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
as a side note pls kill me
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