Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You dont lie about slip and slides
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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