Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
