i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
