I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
