Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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