Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
