Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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