I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
