NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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