I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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