I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
