Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
