But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
