Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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