Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
