I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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