careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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