dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
