covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
