Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
