my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
