Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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