I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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