thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
