I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
