I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
