I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
