I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
