I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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