if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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