by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
