Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
