My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
